April 23, 2021

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This is what you should do if you’re in a confused relationship

4 min read
A relationship is sweet to behold, especially with someone you love and desire to be with, but what is the essence of a relationship with your spouse? Is it to get intimate and say I love you or something more that should be involved?
Ok! What if one party wants more?
This article outlines possible things to be done or considered if you feel you are in a confused relationship; in other words, wanting what your spouse doesn’t want in that relationship.
As a young girl,  I have seen relationships and how some of them end up; sometimes, I ask myself some questions and, most times, don’t even know the right answers to my problems. Now, look at this.
How long should an engagement ring be worn? I’ve been engaged since May 2019 (dated for four years); my fiance hasn’t talked about proceeding to do introduction or marriage; it’s like he just proposed to me because he felt like doing it.
This is how it all started. I met this boy in my third year at university. We began as a friend and developed into something more. 
We started dating a few months later. He had this idea: let’s just be on a low key now since we are still in school. I told him I am not worried; I understand he was still a student, and marriage could only be the last thing on his mind. 
Our final year in school was challenging and stressful as we could barely see each other, which I quite understand. Both of us made it out of school with good results, and trust me; I was so happy, the school did not affect our relationship; neither did our relationship affected our exams.
The minute our results were out, we did our NYSC registration and were posted to different states. Being in other states was never an issue for him and me, I guess. 
Though we hardly saw ourselves, we always kept in touch. As luck would have it,  we finished our service year and immediately got jobs at our respective places.
I waited another year to see what he thinks of our relationship; I mean, he is doing very well at his job,  his pay his ok, and to mine.
One day he finally took a bold step to propose, of course, I accepted his proposal. The truth is, I have been getting hits from other guys, but I choose to remain faithful to him. I am nor forcing myself on him; he is the one that has always pleaded with me not to leave him. I had seen a future with him, but why has he chosen to remain in shackles when he has all it takes to be on his own? I am not asking him to neglect anyone, but I only want him to find the courage and take responsibility in the right way.
This man has refused to be on his own, his grandmother and five (5) siblings (younger and older) live with him, and he takes responsibility for them all; two of his siblings living with him also have their partners living with them. It’s only a three-bedroom flat. I feel like quitting the whole thing cause I don’t feel comfortable going to his house. When I do, he wants me to cook for everyone, which gets me strained.
With the look of things, he has no plans of moving out from the rented apartment; neither do they have intentions of moving out on their own; it’s more like a family house. My period is two days late, and I’m scared to the marrow.
I have made a decision that I might execute in no time. Still, maybe I might get insights here on what to do cause I can’t live with him if his family remains there after marriage; he’s not even talking about marriage. I’ve not asked him yet not to sound desperate, but why propose if you don’t have plans of doing the next thing after a maximum of six (6)  months?
He’s 31, and I’m 24.
HOW I HANDLED THE SITUATION 
Andrew is not a kid that I will say is scared or something,  but don’t know why he is still there attending to just his family and forgetting he also has a life to live. The truth is I had stopped going to that house and have made up my mind to leave him though I’m yet to tell him.
MY ADVICE 
I don’t even know what to say because I have not even settled this. But I know asking questions most times unravel some hidden facts, though you might consider asking the following questions if you feel you are in a complicated relationship, don’t keep quiet.
1) Why am I in a relationship?
2) Why is he or she in a relationship with me?
3) Does he or she have plans for the relationship?
4) If there is a plan, kindly ask to know about it.
5) Are we compatible?
Now let’s talk, 
1) Does Rita sound too desperate?
2) What should Rita do for Andrew to see her not liking the looks of things?
3) What should Rita do about her relationship at this hour?
4) Do you think Andrew wants to marry her?
5) How long should an engagement ring be worn?

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