How I handled an abusive relationship

Today on let’s talk, a young lady Favour will be sharing her experience of what she had to do even at a very tender age.

I was barely eighteen when I had this male friend who was a friend indeed, lol.

He was actually a friend and I saw him as one but I was kind of feeling scared around him until he came to me one day and said: ” don’t be afraid, I want you as my pet daughter”. How relieved I was, at least I know what a pet daughter means.
So we continued with the pet daughter trend. We were like that for some months until he opened up one day and said he was in love with me. Wow!!!! I thought you took me as your pet daughter? I asked.

I know what it takes to be in a relationship because of the ones around I have seen and I know I am not ready to do all those things that happen in a relationship.

I told him, I can’t be in relationship with him stating my reasons. He went further to convince me that he won’t have sex with me because he loves me so much and doesn’t want to lose me and of course I obliged stating my conditions.
The relationship began from being a pet daughter to the main girlfriend, he works in the river rine areas then, so he travels a lot.
A time came when there was a short down in their business so he had to stay for some time, that was when I discovered his true self.
First, I knew him to be a smoker and hoping that he will change, he also drinks sometimes. But what do I know? In my little head, I was hoping he would change. I tried my best to make sure he stops drinking and smoking one day. Heaven knows I tried my best. I threatened him many times that I was going to leave him if he doesn’t stop smoking and drinking but he ends up pleading and crying, he called me one day and told me that he has been smoking for long and it will take him some time for him to stop those habit and begged me to bear with him.
Of a truth, I saw he was willing to change but I shouldn’t expect the change at once so we continued peacefully.
There was a day I visited him in his father’s compound (he had a room), after discussing for some time, he wanted to force himself on me so I ran away, I mean I struggled till he loosed erection, the minute I saw he was no longer aroused, I immediately ran home. I was so upset with him that I ended the relationship with him but he came begging that it was a mistake that won’t repeat itself again , after some time, I forgave him so we continued.

Another incident happened not quite long, I visited him at night ( our houses were close), when I got there I saw that he was drunk and had smoked to stupor. When I talked to him, he didn’t respond well so I immediately left him because I know how it is with people that drinks, I turned my back and started going home not knowing he followed me, as I was about stepping my foot out of the compound, I heard a resounding slap on my face from behind. I turned it was him, what have I done? I asked but I got another slap, this guy beat me till I started begging him to let me go,  in fact, he held me till 10 pm. I was so angry but I didn’t want to attract a crowd, I just wanted to leave peacefully and end the relationship.

After he managed to let me go, God in heaven saved me that night, somehow, my parents got to my room and thought I was there, the minute I entered the house, I was surprised, no one was in the living room, I went straight to my room and immediately, my parents walked in and locked the door. “Thank God,” I said.

The next morning was my jamb exams, my eyes were swollen because of the tears I shared the previous night, he came and started apologizing, after some days, I forgave him and we continued but I made it clear to him that ” the day he ever lays his hands on me again will be the end” something done wrong at first might be a mistake, second might be a mistake but if you repeat it the third time, it’s no longer a mistake but an intentional act.

He promised never to try it again, but of course, a goat will always be a goat, he made an attempt to raping me again and even beating me. That was when I made the first decision in my life and kept to it. I ended the relationship with him and told him even if my grandparents rose from their graves to beg, I will never date him again. He thought I was joking, he came again and started begging, as usual, he begged and begged till he got tired. He started sending people I respect so much to plead on his behalf but I held on to my decision.

In his mind, someday I will forgive and come back to him and of course, I forgave him but still held on to my decision.
In his very eyes, I gained admission and went to school, in his mind, he was still hoping I would come back, two years into the issue, he was still pleading, till I rounded up in six years time, he was still pleading till he finally moved on and got another lady he abuses till date pregnant. That lady has been receiving abuses from him yet she is still there cause of their child.

I made a decision and stood by it because I have said it before that I will never bear in any relationship that is abusive so I ended it all.

I guess everyone has a vision and has propelled where they see themselves in the nearest future, as little as I was then, I was certain of what I want and don’t want, I could have ended up with him like that unfortunate lady, so this is what I have to say
1) Work your way into your future and don’t compromise.
2) Don’t stay in an abusive relationship for long hoping your partner will change.
3) When you make a good decision, please stand by it through thick and thin, your life is in your hands.

Now let’s talk,
1) Do you feel Favour was too rigid with her decision?
2) Could he have changed with time?
3) Tell us what you will do if you were Favour.

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