That was how the Tony went on his knees and was begging like his life depended on me. He said please I shouldn’t leave him, that we would work things out. He was almost crying, I told him to stand up and I hugged him that I will not leave him. From that minute I was determined to make the relationship work. I finally left school as per graduate and before I left I gave him the key to my apartment and told him to sell whatever he could and take the money (I didn’t have electronics )
The first week after I left school, we talked everyday. Then he told me he would be going to his village first before going to Lagos. And in that his village, there was no network reception. Mind you, this was not the first time he would be in his village during the course of our relationship but those other times, he always managed to find a place to get network and contact me. But this time, it was different. Three to five weeks passed and he didn’t call and of course I couldn’t reach him.
After about five weeks, his number finally went through. I was happy though, then he told me he was already in Lagos. Why didn’t you even try to contact me all the while? He didn’t give a reasonable response .
Well, I was happy that he was in Lagos now, at least I can now reach him at anytime. I was the only one calling, he never called. Even to chat on BBM was an issue. He would always complain of being broke. I still continued calling but not everyday. I still loved him but I couldn’t continue to put so much effort while he was nonchalant.
Fast forward to 5 months after which was about seven months since we left school, it was time for us to go to school to collect our NYSC callup letter. As soon as Tony realised we were about to go to school, he started calling me everyday. He got to school before me so he was always calling to ask when I was coming. So the day I got to school, I went to see him and he insisted I slept over at the place he lodged. I agreed and as usual, we had sex.
That was the last time I set my eyes on Tony. After that night he refused to see me again for the three days I spent in that town. He had one excuse or the other. If I dare complain about him not seeing me, he would remind me of how I was posted to a better place than him and I shouldn’t add to his sad mood. He was posted to Taraba State while I was posted to Edo State.
I left that town back to my parent’s place, then to NYSC camp. Tony never called me all through the NYSC camp days, I was the one calling. If I complain, he would say he is very busy in the camp and I was wondering, am I not also in camp, yet I still have time to call you? I still didn’t just want to give up on the relationship just like that because I had gone through a lot with him. I didn’t want our shared moments to just end like that so I kept trying to keep the communication while he did nothing to make us work.
One day, few weeks after we left camp, I decided to chat him up to know what’s up with us. I told him we were waxing cold and we needed to do something to get back on track. I asked him if he still loves me. And he said ” the only love I have now is for Jesus, I don’t have any other kind of love for anybody, I want to concentrate in serving God, I am now born again” Hol’up, is it me that cannot serve God? We can have a holy relationship, even pastors court and get married. And I got the shocker from him “Did I promise you marriage? Why are you acting like we have a life time commitment?” And that was the deal breaker for me. Those words pierced through my skin like a seething knife. I told him it was ok. And that was the end for me.
I decided to move on with my life and forget him. It wasn’t easy but I did it gradually. Initially, i was still calling him occasionally, he did call me too occasionally until after about two months, I made up my mind never to call him again. And I stopped. Its been seven years. I haven’t lifted my phone to call him ever since. He called me a couple of times after then, one day he even said he missed me, but I was done. Done for good.
To think that I carried it in my heart for years that I was the bad one in the relationship and he was the saint. That everything that happened was my fault. I now realise that Tony actually never really loved me. He just enjoyed the sex. And whenever the sex was out of reach, he didn’t give a damn about me..
I am happy I didn’t end up with him. I never held a grudge against him. I always felt I was the one that wronged him. But now I realise that I never did him any wrong. He was the one that wronged me all the while but I was too blind to realise.
The truth you need to know is, so many of you out there blame yourselves for other people’s mistake. You think most times that you are actually the one that makes them act the way they do, but here it is, everyone is responsible for their actions and you shouldn’t have to bear the guilt even if bearing it makes you unhappy. Let this be repeated, DO NOT MAKE YOURSELF UNHAPPY TRYING TO GIVE EXCUSES FOR SOMEONE’S MISBEHAVIOR BECAUSE YOU FEEL YOU’RE AT FAULT.
Everyone should be held accountable for their actions. It’s not your fault he or she cheats, lies, becomes violent etc
Lastly, stop blaming yourself for other people’s mistakes or misbehavior. They have the power to do and undo.