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He was feeling unusually tired that day. He just couldn’t explain it and he fell asleep and left me reading.

By midnight, his other hostel mates knocked the door and informed him there were robbers outside. He assured me they were just small boys and probably wanted to steal through the window. After about one minute, they started struggling with the main door outside, while the boys inside were pushing the door. I wanted to hide, but his room wasn’t like mine. So small and bare.

Before I knew it, they shot the door. That was when I knew they were real and mean business. I was sitting calmly on the bed and the next thing I heard everybody lie down on the hostel corridor (off campus). I was still very calm. One of them entered the room I was,  with a huge gun unmasked and asked me for my phone. I gave him and he left calmly. I didn’t say anything and I was just sitting.

After about 20 seconds, he came again and asked me to lie down. I was like, oh!  Is this really happening? I couldn’t believe it. Not to me! Immediately, my body shut down. He tore my Jean. All the while, I couldn’t say a word. There were four who had a gun. Even if I were able to fight him, three were still in the other rooms robbing. Besides he could shoot me and I’ll be dead. My body refused him from entering, so I had sores and bruises. He finished and left. I managed to wear my worn shorts.

About one minute later, two others came and asked me to pull my shorts pointing guns to my head. I started pulling it without saying a word, while looking at their faces. One of them came and start beating me up for no reason! But the first guy stopped him. And the second one continued from where he stopped. Another one pointed a gun at my face while the other was busy raping me and abusing me. There was nothing he didn’t say. No abuse he didn’t use. I was quiet and calm.

In the process, one of the boys ran outside and shouted, and they ran away. I was in total shock. I couldn’t believe it. This was happening to me! I was numb. I was so ashamed. I kept my cool cos I couldn’t afford anyone knowing what had happened. I got home the next, day, and I couldn’t even tell my roomie. I was so ashamed of myself. I couldn’t tell my mom cos I was afraid of what she’ll say. What the society would say. Most times, they say things like “what were you  wearing?” “What were you doing at another person’s house?” They start victimizing the victim. You become the topic of discussion. You are looked like a shame. Like it was your fault. I dealt with the memory everyday. This happened in 2015. Everyday, I see a person hurting, and I can’t even lend a helping hand because I probably need help. That stuff, doesn’t just go away. I lived in fear for a long time. Any little noise, and my heart starts beating so fast. I only told my roomie months after that, and it was only because she said at some points, rape victims enjoy the sex! Stuff like that, make women hide. The society has shut women up. Hopefully, someday, I’ll heal. And I’ll be able to share my story and help so many women heal.

HOW I HANDLED IT
The reasons I could not speak up was;
1)Afraid of being victimized.
2) Afraid of being stigmatized.
3) Afraid of rapist coming to threaten me again.

The truth is, I was too ashamed of myself and if I had spoken out, people would have used  words(Oh!!  What were you doing there? Oh!! you mean that girl that raped?)  that would make me hurt the more and trust me those words may have driven me towards suicide.

I lived with it every day thinking it would go away but it still hurts. I kept my cool, I was also scared that the robbers may come after me again since I saw their faces. Even if you report to the police, they will even make your life miserable. But now I am better, if only there were groups like Females in (FIN) and other groups who stand up for women then, may be I could have spoken up and get justice without been judged.

I had to face it and thank God for sparing my life.

MY ADVISE 
Unlike me, I couldn’t speak up then, but now we have agencies that are ready to handle such cases, don’t keep shut.
People should stop victimizing or stigmatized victims, we never called to be raped . We are just victims

Now let’s talk,
1) Do you think it was Esther’s fault the unfortunate incident occurred?
2) Is it true that rape victims enjoy sex according to her room mate?
3) What should Esther have done after the
incident?
4) Do you think it’s a set up?
5) Can rape ever be eradicated? If yes, how?
6) What advise do you have for Esther?